• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Ruth Everhart

Author, Pastor, Speaker

  • Home
  • About
  • All Books
    • The #MeToo Reckoning
      • #MeToo Course
      • Available in Korean
    • Ruined
      • Buy RUINED direct from the author
      • An Unpublished Chapter to RUINED
    • Chasing the Divine in the Holy Land
  • Shop
    • Cart
    • Checkout
    • My Account
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms and Conditions
  • #MeToo Course
  • Blog
  • Lent Devotional
  • Free Resources
    • Articles
    • Audio/Podcasts
    • Videos
  • Contact

When Grief Sucks Us Dry: A Funeral & “Fun Home” On the Same Day

When life sucks the juice out of us -- and it will -- try immersing yourself in someone's life story. Whether obituary or memoir. Whether celebrated or unknown. Whether full of pain or full of redemption. The long view of a life will restore your hope. The creative juice that was poured into the telling will serve as marinade to plump the parts of you that feel withered.

May 9, 2017 By Ruth Everhart 2 Comments

My little church experienced two unexpected deaths in two weeks — fatal heart attacks of otherwise healthy persons. During that same period, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within a month.

I did all the things a pastor does. I visited hospitals and put together funeral services and preached the resurrection. But I surely felt the toll of all that emotion, both my own grief and the grief of others. I felt sad and shriveled up.

I wondered how — and even if — I could replenish my well of creativity. I stumbled across one answer unexpectedly. Months ago I purchased tickets for the whole family to see a musical, “Fun Home.” It was to be an early Mothers Day celebration. Our daughters were excited about the show and that was enough for me. I like to experience a show with a blank slate, so I was glad I didn’t know much about it — only that it was a memoir set to music, and much of it takes place in a Funeral Home.

As life would have it, my friend’s memorial service was set to take place at noon on the Saturday of the show, in downtown DC. The matinee began at 2:00, just a few blocks away. I wondered if it would be better to sell the tickets and book something for another day. I worried that we might all experience emotional whiplash, going from a real funeral to a staged one.

In the end we decided to do both. The show was near the end of its run and rescheduling would be impossible. Besides, my friend who died, the Rev. Dr. Jeff Krehbiel, had been the type to live large. He would smile to know of our plans. So we attended the memorial service all together, at New York Avenue Presbyterian Church. The sanctuary is gorgeous and historic and the service was a beautiful testimony to a life well-lived. We listened to every word, shed tears, sang the hymns, greeted a few people (far too few because of our rush), then got ourselves to the theater.

“Fun Home” was extremely well done, with tight dialogue and intertwining stories. I especially loved seeing three versions of the same character on stage — a creative way to capture one person’s childhood and adulthood, through her own eyes as a memoirist. There was simplicity and power in that, and when the three versions of one person sang together, real depth.

In the span of a few hours my family experienced the whole range of pathos and joy that life can dish out. But it wasn’t a simple division — the memorial service being pure pathos and the broadway musical pure joy. Instead, both events were full of laughter and tears. Both events were orchestrated by people with immense creativity. Both events celebrated the lives of people who were fully committed to the power of love — love for family, for community, and in Jeff’s case, for the gospel.

As a sort of coda, the next night my husband and I took advantage of an opportunity to hear a group of a cappella singers perform Aaron Copland’s amazing work “In the Beginning.” The beauty of the piece fed my soul.

The next morning I noticed that I had begun to feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

So let me remember this for next time, and pass it along to you: When life sucks the juice out of you — and it will! — try immersing yourself in someone’s life story. Whether obituary or memoir. Whether a celebrated life or unknown. Whether a story tilting more toward pain or more toward redemption. The long view of any life will restore your hope. Certainly the creative juice that was poured into the telling will serve as marinade to plump the parts of you that feel withered.

Isn’t this why we’re put on the planet in community? To tell each other our stories. To remember the power of love. To hold tightly to the promise of resurrection. To refill each other’s wells.

Grief & Grieving Fun Home the musical,  grief and loss,  Jeff Krehbiel

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Beth says

    May 10, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    Thank you for this! I feel like I am still grieving too many loses that started when I lost my dad as a nine year old girl and I’m 51 now. Uncles, grandparents, father-in-law, brother, Godmother, miscarriages, many pets and livestock…add to that being the victim of a sexual assault, an abusive relationship with a boss, a failed first marriage and the pain is still shallow at times and at times overwhelming. I suck it up buttercup and keep moving forward mostly for my eight year old daughter and loving husband. And there are times I’d rather crawl back in bed, or in a hole or run far away.

    Reply
    • Ruth Everhart says

      May 11, 2017 at 8:44 am

      Beth, thanks for writing and reaching out. I’m glad my post spoke to you. My heart hurts to know that a sexual assault is part of your past and still affects you. I know that experience and have written about it. I encourage you to find some sort of regular support for yourself. Peace to you today! ~Ruth

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Ruth Everhart Author

Let’s connect on social media!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn

Subscribe for Occasional Updates

* indicates required


Contact
Loading

Find a Blog Topic Here

  • Church & Sexuality (26)
    • A Christian Feminist on Abortion (1)
    • Egalitarianism (4)
    • Healthy Boundaries (1)
    • LGBT & Christianity (2)
    • Marriage & Vocation (3)
    • Planned Parenthood (1)
    • Podcasts #MeToo (1)
    • Reviews #MeToo (1)
    • Sexual Abuse & Church (10)
  • Exploring Washington DC (3)
    • Embassy Tour 2022 (2)
    • Library of Congress (1)
  • Ministry Leadership (62)
    • Advent/Christmas (3)
    • Ascension/Pentecost (3)
    • Church Clutter (1)
    • Church Hospitality (6)
    • Churches & Money (2)
    • Handcrafted Communion Boxes (1)
    • Leading the Small Church (10)
    • Learning as an Air Bnb Host (4)
    • Lectionary Study (6)
    • Lent/Easter (7)
    • Liturgical Leadership (2)
    • Ordained as a Clergywoman (9)
    • Presbyterian Church (USA) (5)
    • Rock Creek Presbyterian Church (1)
    • Transforming Congregations (5)
  • My Family (45)
    • My Dad, Nicholas J. Huizenga (13)
    • My Sister's Kidney Donation (3)
    • Raising Our Daughters (18)
    • Why I Still Love My Husband (9)
  • My Writing (35)
    • Awards (4)
    • Korean Translation (1)
    • My Writing Journey (13)
    • Published in Christian Century (12)
    • Reviews of My Books (3)
    • Writing A Rape Memoir (2)
  • People I Learn From (38)
    • Abraham Lincoln (7)
    • Conversations with Strangers (15)
    • Gordon Lightfoot (2)
    • Harriet Tubman (1)
    • Lectures by Smart People (8)
    • Nelson Mandela (1)
    • U2 (4)
  • Pilgrimage to the Holy Land (65)
    • Be a Virtual Pilgrim (3)
    • Interfaith Issues (1)
    • Israel & Palestine (13)
    • Lent Devotional about pilgrimage (47)
  • Spiritual Reflection (50)
    • 2022 (1)
    • Aging (8)
    • Birds (1)
    • Bread (1)
    • Ending Gun Violence (5)
    • Finding Happiness (3)
    • Grief & Grieving (8)
    • Prayer (2)
    • Sabbath & Snow (4)
    • Silence at a Monastery (2)
    • Uncluttering as a Spiritual Practice (14)
  • Travel (30)
    • Belize (1)
    • Big Blue Adventures (1)
    • Chesapeake Bay (4)
    • Dominican Republic (1)
    • Michigan (3)
    • New Mexico Pilgrimage as a Family (1)
    • New York City (1)
    • Newfoundland (1)
    • Prince Edward Island PEI (8)
    • Shenandoah (2)
    • Washington DC (7)
  • Words & Writing (71)
    • Book Reviews (12)
    • Lyrics & Music (11)
    • Nourishing Creativity (4)
    • Writer with Kitty Cat (2)
    • Writers on Writing (6)
  • Working with Holidays in Church (11)
    • 9/11 September 11, 2001 (1)
    • All Saints Day (1)
    • Memorial Day (2)
    • Mothers Day (2)
    • New Years (4)
    • Valentines Day (1)

Footer

  • Home
  • About
  • All Books
    • The #MeToo Reckoning
      • #MeToo Course
      • Available in Korean
    • Ruined
      • Buy RUINED direct from the author
      • An Unpublished Chapter to RUINED
    • Chasing the Divine in the Holy Land
  • Shop
    • Cart
    • Checkout
    • My Account
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms and Conditions
  • #MeToo Course
  • Blog
  • Lent Devotional
  • Free Resources
    • Articles
    • Audio/Podcasts
    • Videos
  • Contact
Log in
Recent Blogposts:
  • Leading Ideas Talks
  • PCUSA Ordination Exam on Judges 19
  • NYC Weekend: Celebrating a Milestone Birthday
  • Greetings to the Rock Creek Presbyterian Church (Tallula, IL) on their 200th Anniversary!
  • Lady Gaga in Concert, DC Aug 2022